Thursday, October 22, 2009

"It's not like I care..."

Been listening to Deftones non stop for a month now (hence the title). Oh how they hurt so good...
Here's a quick peek at a sketch I did in class, totally paying attention lol.

And moving on, for the people who actually read posts...

OMG. Long story short, the last couple of months have been tumultuous to say the least. I'm slowly losing someone very near and dear to my heart. Things change, people go away, blah blah. Pretty much neck and neck with the other "suckiest moments in my life" (those being the deaths of two figureheads in my family). ANY WAY so with this painting I'm working on, it's dealing with that. I wanted to build up the surface of the canvas with scraps of letters, journal entries, mementos, etc-- basically memories and thoughts and reminders of this person. Not necessarily so people could read it, but so that I know they're there. I just want to put all my feelings and unspoken words out there for my own sake. Ever read Dorian Grey? Well, basically this painting will be like Dorian Grey's portrait for me- I get to live my life as I will, and the painting in turn can rot behind a curtain and bear these scars for me so I don't have to. I'm pouring my heart out onto this canvas so to speak, plastering it in my own tears and pain, words spoken from the heart. It feels like the symbolic release one has when burning photographs or memories. I hope that makes sense. Guess not. Oh well. Looks like a tombstone right now. My whole point... leave the dead buried. Those old letters I dug out were harder to do than I ever thought they'd be. Plastering them up there for people to see (heck, for me to see) feels like being naked and exposed. When they're painted over, even just a little, it'll be okay. But right now, they're horrible reminders. Who knew...


  1. So sorry to hear of your loss. My sincerest condolences. Youve got something really special going on here.. and I cant wait to see the finished piece. Thanks for the insight.

    (Ps. All of the work youve been posting is wonderful. Congratulations on your consistency..)

  2. *Sean:
    well thank you. i don't mean to boohoo about everything but i felt it was important for others to know the meaning behind this.

    any way, PLEASE tell me you're working on more stuff!! I have seriously been checking your blog often to see if you have new work posted!! please say you do!!

  3. Aw Alex, sorry to hear youre going through such a unpleasant time right now. Good to see that you are venting out through you artwork. Therapeutic huh? But I'm happy that you wanted to share that with us

  4. something like that ha ha. finally got this whole canvas covered so i should be able to start the drawing and underpainting soon!

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  6. yaay! can't wait to see what you've got going on. I've got my canvas covered finally and now i'm working on the underpainting. I have the idea of what i want on there, I just can't specifically visualize it, so ?? But I'm slowly building up layer by layer with thin glazes. I want to post pics of what's going on but I'm too broke to buy batteries for my camera! lol actually, i shouldn't be laughing about that. oh well... hahahahah :D

  7. Hmmm.. That was weird. These comments on here act strange sometimes.. Oh well..
    Awesome to hear of your progression. Sounds great!!

    Ps.. I know the feeling!!

  8. haha.
    oh, good news! i can buy batteries again!! yaaay!!! haha :D
    updated pics coming next week i hope?

  9. <3 may the force be with you <3